Keep Your Head Up

This is the first music video or song I'm going to share here. It's by a new artist who goes by the name of Andy Grammer. I first saw him at the National Association of Campus Activities (NACA) Northern Plains Conference back in April 2009, where we booked him on campus for our Midnight Mayhem event in January. He was awesome both times, and I'm so happy he got a record deal and has a video out, which happens to be the first interactive music video on Vevo. I honestly can't help but feel happy when I listen to it. It's infectious, and all sorts of awesome. Take a listen, keep your head up, and let your hair down :)

http://www.vevo.com/video-evolved/andy-grammer/keep-your-head-up/

The Cooking Bug Has Bitten Me...

So this Monday morning was rather excellent, and I came home and had a lunch of Split Pea and Ham soup courtesy of Campbell's Chunky Soups. While eating it, and though delicious as it was, I had the sudden craving for my mom's Split Pea Soup, and then I decided I wanted to make it myself. Not even just that soup, but many different kinds. My mom grew up on a farm and did a lot of cooking, much of which she taught me. The downside of growing up on a farm with ten kids is that your food choices tend to be pretty basic, no-frills. The only soups we ever really made were chicken noodle, split pea, or this chili-type concoction thing that isn't really chili. And this is fine, I love my mom's food. But I want to start learning how to cooking with chicken stock; rosemary, basil, and spices other than salt, pepper, and seasoned salt. I've always loved cooking, and I have a habit of making really good marinades or seasonsings out of whatever we have in our fridge or cupboards. I think it's time I refine my skills and begin to (sorry for the reference) kick it up a notch.

It's settled then, soon as we get the financial situation figured out, I'll be cooking to try new things. Oh boy, I'm excited. You should be too.

Randomness - Take 1

I added a "Take 1" to the title because I'll probably expand on that title when in blogs like this one, I talk about many things.

So this weekend was homecoming at UCM, and as I work in the Alumni office, between 8am Friday and 2pm Saturday I was on campus for over 20 hours. It was ok though, I really enjoyed Homecoming. Coming from River Falls where Homecoming was not at all that big of a deal, to UCM was such a difference, and I really liked it. I didn't even go downtown at night because of my never-healing foot, but just the energy around campus at different events was incredible. And I loved driving a $50,000 truck in the parade, I felt like a big deal for a minute. I know River Falls is in the process of trying to improve Homecoming and make it better, and I give props for that, but UCM was awesome, and I already can't wait for next year. Alumni here love their school so much, I don't even know how to describe it. It's like they have more of a passion for UCM then a lot of alumni from Division I schools have (we're D2). Love it. Still exhausted though.

Speaking of that never-healing foot, for those that don't know I have a stress fracture in my left foot that I've been seeking treatment for over the last 8 weeks. I go back in tomorrow morning where hopefully it'll be the last time I have to go back. I know it isn't 100% yet, but I know we're close, and I'd rather not have any more medical bills. Stupid insurance companies. That's another rant that I don't have energy for right now.

Next item of business, Brothers and Sisters. I don't know what is happening this season, but I don't know if this time jump was a good idea. Tonight's episode wasn't all bad, but it felt kind of predictable. Now they're screwing up Kevin and Scottie who were my second favorite couple and if they make they break up I may stop watching the show. They are one of the few good and realistic gay couples on TV. Leave them alone. Hmph.

Today I stayed in bed til 11:30am which was desperately needed, but I still haven't slept soundly the past 2 nights. Hopefully I do tonight. I don't feel like I accomplished anything today, and I hate that. It's the stupid achiever strength in me (If you haven't visit strengthsquest.org and learn all about it). I know I did accomplish things today, they just weren't things that were vitally important. I did laundry, dishes, cleaned up my room, the living room, took out some trash, essentially it was a cleaning day. I didn't work on any homework which I'll be regretting later, and I didn't write a cover letter for an internship position next summer. I did however upload my resume, so there's some good news. I'm applying for an intership through an organization called ACUHO-I which I believe stands for the Association of College and University Housing Officers International. Schools from around the country post summer internships for mainly grad students like myself and we apply and hopefully go and work. I think I've decided I want to go to the West Coast and a private school since I know when I graduate I want to work in the midwest at a public school. I figured this internship would be a good time to do something different. We'll see, I'm not applying for those areas exclusively because I learned last year when applying for grad schools to be open to anything and be happy for what you get, which I would be.

Lastly, this is probably going to be a recurring theme, but I don't like being financially responsible. I know not being responsible in the past is why I'm currently having issues, but that doesn't change the fact that new things are fun. Alas, this is the reality of being an adult, and just another one of those inevitable parts of growing up. Sometimes I just wish I was five again you know?

Mmk, that's all for today. Sorry for the randomness of this entry, and the total non-point of all it. Like I said, some of my entries will be thoughtful and interesting, others...not so much. Cheers!

Purple: Color of Hopes and Bruises

Today I wore purple, like so many throughout the country, to show my support for those in the Queer Community. I was discouraged by how many people I saw that weren't. I understand not everybody knew about it, and some people simply don't own purple, and still others just didn't want to conform. But I still was hoping I would see more purple out there today.

Then tonight I just went to watch one of my favorite commercials, the Wanda Sykes "That's So Gay" commercial, and I wanted to read the comments to see if anything substantial had been said in the last day. This was a mistake. Here is the video link, go read the comments yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS0GVOQPs0

I read the first seven pages and saw only a few supportive comments. The argument that people shouldn't be offended because words change meaning all the time is ridiculous. It does not matter where the word came from, its original meaning. What matter is when people say "That's So Gay", they are meaning the word "Gay" to mean less-than, unintelligent, ridiculous, and stupid. This phrase originates from people using the term to purposefully put down gays. I don't understand how that was lost, and how people have come to accept it as a perfectly fine way of something is stupid. I honestly cannot comprehend how people think it is ok and not offensive, and I'm actually pretty angry right now. I've vowed to speak up but I'm only one person. I know one person can make all the difference, but right now it doesn't feel that way.

I can't help but go to sleep tonight, from a day that was meant to be inspiring, a little discouraged.

With Great Power, or Knowledge, Comes Great Responsibility...

Today was...interesting. I started off by trying to deal with my current financial situation and so hopefully that works out. Right away at 9 am I had my weekly area meeting in the office, and I spent the rest of the day working on a variety of projects in anticipation of Homecoming and some other upcoming Alumni events.

At 4:00, when I'm normally done with work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I went to a Safe Harbor Training put on by the Office of Community Engagement and the Queers and Allies Organization (sorry if I missed some people there). I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to get out of this session, but I knew it had to with LGBTQQIAA issues, and so I wanted to attend. Throughout the hour long session we reviewed some important information regarding the Queer community and did a couple of exercises. The session was a good attempt, though I was disappointed in the number of people who attended especially since the organizations involved did a great job of promoting it.

When I left the session I was happy that I had attended, but I realized that even though the info was a good refresher, I knew most of that stuff already from the Social Justice Series and Ally Training at UWRF. For me what the session really did was reinforce that I want UCM to be more proactive in its Social Justice efforts, and I once again got the urge to do something about it. I'm going to be speaking with one of my former advisers at UWRF soon about possibly starting some Social Justice type series here at UCM, but I can't help feel a littler overwhelmed by the prospect. Still, I feel like I've been given the opportunity to have learned so much about Social Justice issues, and I need to do something with that knowledge.

While I haven't felt at all that UCM is a place where community values aren't important, I do feel a lack of focus on the issues within the community. At UWRF I got sick of hearing the word "inclusiveness" because it just felt like it was overused, though it really wasn't. I honestly don't think I've heard inclusiveness used here at all, and that alone for me highlights the differences between the school. I don't want to sound like I'm bagging on UCM, because I do feel like there are definitely people and offices here who make a real effort to highlight issues within our community. I just feel like they need more resources, and there needs to be a more comprehensive focus geared toward the issues on campus. Unfortunately this is not an ideal time to be looking for additional resources here, as we are facing about a $12 million budget shortfall and money is strapped everywhere. Maybe if we can get several offices and departments involved we can pool our resources and develop some comprehensive programs instead of those programs being scattered.

I'm really not sure where I intend to take these thoughts, but I do feel like I need to do something. We will see what the wind blows my way in the next few weeks once Homecoming settles down.

On a lighter note, and where the inspiration for this blog title came from is I decided to watch the first Spider-Man tonight. The second one is my favorite movie of all time, and I really feel like the first two movies are owed a debt of gratitude from all comic book movies since them. In another blog I'll share my thoughts on the third movie and now the reboot that Sony is making and Spider-Man in general. That'll be a rant...

Anywho, Spider-Man is favorite superhero, and the movie just makes me happy...in a confused and conflicted sort of way. Its like I feel Peter Parker's pain. I should be him. If only I could get bit by a genetically engineered spider and get all buff and have special powers and such. Alas, I can dream.

Also, just before Safe Harbor Training today I found out I got a 15/15 on my second Think Piece for my Leadership and Org Theory Class, and I was ecstatic, as I got a 10 on the last one. Overall this was a good day filled with some interesting thoughts and experiences, and I think I come away from it feeling optimistic, despite all the stressors currently lingering over me. This is always a good thing.

A Beautiful Sadness, Found Sundays Weekly From 9pm to 10pm

So some of my blogs will be focused on a social topic or injustice I feel strongly about. This is not one of them.

After Glee, my second favorite show in the world is Brothers and Sisters. A lot of people have never heard of this show, but I've watched since the beginning of the second season (we are on season 5) and I've loved it ever since then. This is another ensemble cast, this time being led by Sally Field as Nora, the mother; and Calista Flockhart as Kitty, one of Nora's five children. Those two are all well and good (I actually love Sally Field in pretty much every scene), but my favorite couple on the series had become Justin and Rebecca, (Justin is Nora's youngest son). Rebecca is played by Emily Van Kamp who I first came to appreciate on Everwood, back in the days of my teenage angst and the WB. Now the details of how Justin and Rebecca came to be together are far too complicated and soap-operaish to explain here, but suffice it to say they had been through a lot in the last five years (well actually six as this year the series jumped ahead a year). Last season they finally got married, and I was a happy camper. Naturally they had their disagreements, but were obviously madly in love. Then the last five minutes of last season (Spoiler Alert!) the show killed that with a massive car accident that put Kitty's husband in a coma, and later died, and Rebacca's mother with some sort of recurring amnesia. During the year off Justin had gone and re-enlisted and gone off to Afghanistan, and he and Rebecca got divorced in the mean time. This made me very very sad. Between last week and this week they teased how they might be getting back together but then Rebecca got a job offer as a photographer in New York and left and now there is no more Justin and Rebecca. And I'm sad.

So now I'm sitting here conflicted because I want to be so angry at the show but I can't because the way in which it was done was so friggin beautiful. This is what the show does, presents serious issues in a such a beautifully dramatic and moving way, that you can't help be too mad at the show for long. Pretty much every week at the end of the episode I can't decide if I want to cry or smile. This week I wanted to cry because that's what Justin was doing while being comforted by Nora. It was just sad and all I want is for him and Rebecca to get back together and for there to rainbows and butterflies. But no, Rebecca is gone for good. Well at least til like the series finale or something where I hope they get back together.

The worst part is that I knew Emily Van Kamp was leaving this summer when Entertainment Weekly ran the story on their website. I still didn't care, I wanted them to work it out.

...I think the main point I was trying to get across here was the Brothers and Sisters is a beautiful and under-rated show, but it has a tendency like now to make me ever so sad.

And yes, I am aware it's just a TV show. Whatever. I still care about the stupid characters.

Extreme Makeover: Vanity Edition?

So as I was finally able to catch up on TiVo yesterday as my midterms were (finally) done, and I sat down to watch the weekly show that has a habit of making me tear up; Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I'm not manly, whatever. Lucky me, this was supposed to be a "no tears" episode and everyone was going to be happy. The family gets a new house because the parents who are madly in love run a non-profit that helps couples work through their issues and love each other. Aww. They worked out of their house which has to be in one of the poorest shapes I've seen on the show. Like holes in the walls that you can see outside and cabinets that hang on the lob-sided walls and can only hold paper plates because the weight of real plates will make the cabinets fall. So they needed a new house, I was ok with this. They also had 5 daughters. Aww. These daughters are where my problems come in. The girls liked fashion and modeling a whole bunch, which as our society so forcefully tells them, they should. So after the family flew off to Paris for the week (fashion capitol of the world), and came back to find a beautiful house, naturally. The designers decorate the house and rooms according to the personalities of the family, and naturally since the girls love fashion, all of their rooms had to do with Paris and fashion and glitz and glam. They even had a ginormous closet bigger than my room for all five of the girls decked out out with the latest trends. The best part? Out of the closet was a runway that ran the length of the hall way of the girls' rooms.

This is what bothers me, the fact that the "designers" so blatantly endorsed the world of fashion and modeling, and gave the family the tools to easily reinforce the stereotypes that our culture places on women. In a household where the parents spend their lives getting other couples to love and respect one another as equals, their daughters are dreaming of entering a world dominated by anorexic women with low self esteem and men who are all too quick point out each and every one of their flaws. I don't mind as much when some "girlyness" is embraced, to a point, as long as we are making sure to teach our young women the value of equality and mutual respect. This episode to me was just sad, and I hope these girls realize there is more to life than being skinny and beautiful, and just use these spaces to have some fun.

Reflecting on the Behavior of Online Trolls

Twice in one day, oh boy!

Ok, so yesterday I was reading a review online for a new video game that had come out, and I was reading the comments when this one struck me: "OMFG the rater is a cock eating Bieber fan. "A shooting gallery" Really dick bag? WTF DO YOU CALL MW2!?!? MW2 IS AS GAY AS IT GETS!! This is WAAAY better than MW2. I just wiped my ass with MW2, because Im never touching it again! You gave MW2 a better rating, WHY? Seriously man, I have one other question, How the fk were you even smart enough to escape the abortion bucket??? The thing that pisses me off, is that NO ONE in IGN knows how to "Properly" rate a game. Youre just bad at the game so stfu"

Now, there are so many things wrong with this comment I'm not going to go into all of them, but the one part that irritated me most was the user's use of the word "gay" to mean stupid. I knew I probably wasn't going to reach anybody, especially the user with any comment, but I thought I would try anyway as my pledge to speak up. So I replied with this: "I respectfully ask that you reconsider calling things you mean to be stupid or dumb "gay." It is not just an expression and is offensive to the millions of people who identify as gay. Thank you."

Now I thought that was neither too judgmental or too preachy, but got the point across. This was the response that the user posted: "Fuck all you fags lol".

I get that in the online world there is no responsibility or repercussions for people's actions, and that this was a gaming site with the user probably a young teen or adult. That's no excuse. Language such as this is so detrimental to our society, and is absolutely offensive to those in the Queer Community, and to me as an Ally. I know we have such a long way to go, and as I said last night, the road getting there is not going to be easy. This will not discourage me, but I can't say that I'm not disappointed that someone (actually this person wasn't the only one to use this kind of language) would think that it is ok to speak like this. I can pretty much guarantee that they wouldn't dare that use that kind of language in real life, so why is so ok to troll on these sites and comment as they please without repercussions? This is just one type of behavior that leads into bullying, hate speech, violence, etc.

I don't know even how to start thinking of a solution, but just some thoughts I wanted to put out there.

Oh no...procrastination is back...

I've been really proud of how well I had been doing thus far in grad school with my readings and papers and work in general. While I still had elements of procrastination, I was actually doing stuff ahead of time and actually reading text books for essentially the first time in my life. But now, I don't know what has happened, but my procrastination has come back full force. The worst part is that I'm aware of it and still don't change it. Ugh. See even right now, typing this blog, I have reading and papers I should be doing. But no, here I sit. I've even taken to re-reading the Harry Potter books again on my Kindle instead of reading for class. This is just bad (but I can't help how much I love Harry Potter, especially book 5 which I just finished last night). I am well aware that this is only my fault and I take full responsibility for my actions. Just stating, that I'm about as unfocused as they come right now, which is not at all good the week when your midterms are due. Hopefully I get over this mind funk soon, I need to do well.

I'm going to read for tonight's class now...that starts in an hour...

Thoughts on Glee: "Duets" and a Prominent Theme Within

Well here I am, almost a week after I started. Yeah I'm probably not going to predict when I update this blog, as the life of a grad student has ways of throwing your schedule out the window.

Ok, thoughts on tonight's Glee episode, "Duets". LOVED it. Since the start of the season I haven't really felt Glee was living up to itself, save for a good moment here. To be honest I thought "Brittany/Britney" was terrible. While the songs were good, there was pretty much zero plot. "Audition", the season premier, I can't blame too much for being off, they needed to set some of the season's storyline in process, and I thought it was similar to "Hell-o" when Glee came back on after a four month hiatus in April. Last week's "Grilled Cheesus" I had very mixed feelings about. While the storyline was good, they tried to cram in too much. For instance Puck's "Only the Good Die Young" was not at all needed, and I don't think Rachel's "Papa Can You Hear Me" was really needed either. Some of this time should have been given to making "One of Us" longer, as in the single version Kurt sings an important verse that would have fit well into the story. Back to the story, I felt like they were almost back to the emotional heft that Glee can bring, and I was overall pleased with the episode, even if I don't get chills thinking about it like I do with "Wheels" or "Dream On" from season one.

Back to tonight's episode. I finally feel like Glee has it its stride again. Everything felt so natural, well at least it felt like Glee, the show I fell in love with after the pilot in May 2009. Actually the one thing that wasn't at all natural was Artie losing his virginity to Brittany (though I loved that she carried him to the bed). Artie's character doesn't seem like one that would lose his virginity just like that. While I kind of bought his explanation to Brittany about why it mattered, I kind of feel like if it did matter that much to him he wouldn't have let it go so easily. Still, I don't think we've seen the last of Brittany and Artie together. And I'm not ready for Artie and Tina to get back together yet, they're being mean to each other.

Things I did love about tonight: everything else. I loved that Rachel is growing and is trying to help her team, that Finn is finding his own values and trying to help the people he cares about. SO happy they revisited the Kurt/Finn/Faggot storyline from last season. I'm not sure I feel like its resolved yet, but the way they touched on it was very clever and done well. More on that in a minute. Love that Mike Freakin' Chang finally had lines and a storyline! I'm fairly sure, and not at all kidding, that prior to this episode he had a total of five lines in the series combined. Yes Harry Shum (actor who plays Mike Chang, and is awesome in the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers) is a great dancer, but this is a singing show and therefore he should sing. Also, more Tina is needed, all the time. I think I have a small crush on her that seems to grow everytime she speaks. Mercedes and Santana should sing together all the time. "The Boy is Mine" was fantastic but "River Deep Mountain High" was even better for completely different reasons. "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" was too cutsey in a bad way, but I still sort of enjoyed it I guess. It will probably be one of those songs I skip over in my iTunes though. Another pairing who should always sing together: Kurt and Rachel. "Defying Gravity" was great but we didn't really get to hear them sing together, here we did and it was all sorts of awesome, even if Lea Michelle did overact her facial and body movements while singing it.

Now, thoughts on that prominent theme in the blog title. You know the one, the oh-so-timely acceptance of gay students in public schools. Funny how this episode was written before all the news about the suicides and bullying came out. Anyway, I have been struggling with how I wanted to approach this topic on this blog, which is kind of why it took a week to write this. For those of you who were wondering no I am not gay. Though I have questioned it in the past, after some soul searching I believe I know who I am now. However, I strongly believe in gay rights and honestly feel that this is the civil rights battle of our generation. My parents never said to me one way or another anything specific about people who are gay growing up, only to accept everyone. They kind of live under the "everyone is equal, doesn't matter what color, creed, etc, you are" umbrella, which isn't at all a bad way of thinking for people who grew up on a farm in rural Wisconsin, but it isn't the greatest way to look at the world. Still, I am thankful for the values they did teach me, and that I have the opportunity now to further explore the meaning of equality that they did instill in me. I do not understand the people who are against gay rights, who defend their views with so-called "protection of the traditional family values" argument. I mean honestly, my mom and dad divorced when I was three, both remarried other people when I was before I was 10, and mom divorced again when I left for college. How's that for traditional? (Disclaimer, I do not harbor any ill feelings about these decisions, I dealt with them at the time and while I was growing up and now have made peace with it and everyone involved is stronger and happier for it). That was a tangent, sorry, but anyway I do not feel that anger or violence is the answer to these people. I honestly believe that these people need more education on these issues. I know I do, and I know that there is no easy or simple fix to this problem. I'm not sure there should be.

Ok, back on topic now. The way Glee handled Kurt's attraction (possibly?) to Sam was, at least I think, really well done. They didn't try to make it simple, or even right, or chicken out of it and cover it up with happy endings and rainbows (well they kind of did with Sam and Quinn at Breadsticks, but the storyline with the issue didn't). Finn was very blunt, and kind of brave after his previous issues with Kurt, in saying that people in high school are not accepting of gay men, and are actually pretty homophobic about the whole idea of it. Just the pure thought of Sam dueting with Kurt, no matter the subject of the song, would make people assume that Sam is gay and therefore make his life a living hell. Kurt's dad Burt who is normally very supportive of Kurt (wow that rhymed too much) didn't shy away from the reality that they were in, and didn't trying to sugarcoat the pain that Kurt felt from the subject. This is a very real problem and a way a lot of high school students think. It is not cool or ok to be gay in high school. I do think it is getting better, and my high school was probably better than a lot of schools, but there is no straying from the fact that openly gay students live in constant fear of emotional and physical violence day in and day out. And this is not ok.

Schools are going to have come up with policies that specifically deal the harassment and overall presence of students who are gay. I have a bad feeling that as the debate over gay rights intensifies things are going to get much worse for students and the queer community in general before they get better. I believe in my heart that within the next 10 to 20 years much progress will be made for gay rights, but the road getting there is not going to be pretty. Just look at how much Black students were put through during the de-segregation of schools. Many of those issues are still prevalent today. Our modern schools are going to need to enter the moral debate over gender and sexuality issues in order to protect the students who are so fragile during that period of their life. I recently read a statistic, though I can't remember where, that only 18% of public schools nationwide have policies set in place that specifically deal with these issues. This cannot stand. Our young people need to be protected or I fear we continue losing students who could have been such amazing members of society. Hate and violence come from fear of change and things which we do not know. We must also broaden our knowledge and educate ourselves on the issue of the rights of those are in the Queer community. I know I do. I've probably said things in this blog that are not PC, and I apologize if I have. Change is coming, and we must prepare ourselves for it, and help those who do not know how.

I know this post was really long and not very focused, but these are some thoughts that have been swirling in my head that I needed to get out, thus the creation of this blog. I welcome your thoughts, and your constructive criticism. At least then we are talking about the issues that I have discussed. Thanks for reading and until next time, Carpe Diem.

Going Inside BK's Head...Are You Sure This Is a Good Idea?

Hello internet world. Welcome to my blog, or as we are calling it, Inside BK's Head.

A little background on me; I consider myself to be from "Minnesconsin". Born in Milwaukee, WI, but mainly raised in Minnesota, I have deep family ties in both states, and have spent my life falling in love with both. In 2006 I graduated from high school in New Brighton, MN (suburb of St. Paul), and began my undergraduate career at the University of Wisconsin - River Falls. Originally I started as an Instrumental Music Education major, dropping the education part after two years and eventually attaining an essentially worthless Liberal Arts Music degree with a minor in Professional and Organizational Communication. Currently I am a graduate student at the University of Central Missouri pursuing my master's in College Student Personnel Administration. A few random facts: I am obsessed with Glee, identify as a liberal, am as compassionate as I am insanely organized, and my favorite color is lime green.

At this point if you took the time to read this you are undoubtedly asking yourself why you took the time to read this. I think I can ask you that too. But you're here now, so I hope you'll listen to what I have to say. I think a lot. About me, about the world, about the problems I see, and a whole mess of other crap. While I have friends to talk to, I think I would be bored with myself if I told them everything that's in my head. But I feel as though I need some sort of outlet, so here I am. By no means do I proclaim myself to be intelligent or well-spoken, nor are the thoughts I may blurt out here fully realized. Sometimes I will probably try to be insightful and smart in my posts which I will most likely fall on my face trying to accomplish. Other times I will simply state some sort of comment that probably has very little meaning. But this is what's inside my head, I apologize in advance.

I was going to put something actually worthwhile in this first post but I'm falling asleep writing it, so that will probably come tomorrow. Until then, welcome, and thanks for checking out my thoughts. Please feel free to follow me, and I look forward to any discussion that may come from this blog, if any.